I started my blog for me. I started my blog to look back on as a memory and as pictures and as snippets of my life as the memories in my head started to fade. I started my blog to remember: to remember the good memories, to remember my youth, to remember that everyday counts and to remember my trials and to remember my triumphs.
I didn’t start my blog to impress other people, to make a living, or to let people know what I think they should do with their lives. I started this blog for me.
After a phone call with my roommate of four years, I realized that I had lost my voice. I lost my passion for blogging. I lost that spark that could keep me blogging from 7AM to 10PM. I lost that fire that sparked my need for the creative outlet. I just lost my voice. My roommate reminded me that freshman year, I kept my blog hidden from her, from the world. It was personal to me and it was me. My blog encompassed me. My blog carried my heart and my soul, my thoughts and my wonderings. My blog was every piece of me poured into one place. A place where I could just write with no rhyme or reason, a place where I could write about whatever I wanted, a place where I could write about my passions, even if those changed.
In the blogging world, you’re supposed to have a “niche,” something that you solely focus on, something that makes you different.
All of my blogging career, I just wrote about what sparked my interest. If one week I was passionate about essential oils, that’s what I wrote about. If another week I was passionate about a pair of shoes, I wrote about those shoes. There was no structure, no specific thing I needed to write about, no parameters to keep me in a specific niche. And I liked that. I liked that a lot.
When thinking about my future, as I am going into senior year, I was recently faced with the decision of what to do with my blog. Do I try to make it full-time with this thing, or do I go the route of teaching? What do I do? Well, I have the potential to make more money with blogging, and I love that, so I should do that, right?
So that’s what I decided. I would change my outlet, narrow my niche to fashion, and I would grow until I could go full-time with this gig.
Y’all, that broke me.
I lost my voice.
I lost my passion.
I couldn’t find the passion to write another post, I didn’t want to open up my computer until now. I didn’t want to edit another photo. I didn’t want to shoot another picture. I wanted it all to stop.
But why? What happened?
As I narrowed my niche to just fashion, I thought everything would fall into place. I truly did. I thought that since posts about fashion are popular, they would help me skyrocket and grow. They would get me seen, they would just work.
Narrowing my niche did just the opposite.
I was stuck on the decision of what to write. I’m not truly passionate about fashion and how to wear certain items, so I surely didn’t want to write about that.
In all reality, I love writing encouraging posts while including a fun outfit that I think is cute. Yeah, the two are pretty unrelated, but that’s what I like and that’s what sparks me, that’s what lights up my soul for blogging.
I’ve lost my voice for blogging, I’ve lost the passion that drives me closer to Jesus and I’ve transformed my creative outlet into a chore that I couldn’t stand to do.
After a long (and much needed) break from blogging, I think I’m ready. I’m ready to jump back in, but I’m ready to do things my way, the way I like them: Encouraging posts, things that build people up, pull people to Jesus, and fashion posts that show my favorite outfits. Some people may hate this, some people may love this. I’ve done this in the past and that’s when I’ve been happiest.
Right now, I’m not happy. I’m not happy with blogging and blogging is a burden. Not anymore, though.
Y’all, even writing this, writing about something that’s on my heart and on my mind, I am set free. I can finally let go of the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Writing this makes me happy. Writing this makes me happy and it brings me joy. It truly makes me have joy in my heart. Why? It makes me happy because I am passionate about this. It’s been on my heart and on my mind. I am expressing myself in writing, almost like a little journal, just how I like it.
My blog was created by me and for me. It was created for the remembrance of memories and for the thoughts and dreams to be recorded for me to look back on. I think it’s about time I find my voice again and go back to my roots.
Thanks for reading, y’all.