This blog post is going to be a little hard for me to write as it is a current trial in my life. I am stepping back and writing a personal post like I used to do a few months back…
Friends have been really hard for me recently. Not just friends, but being home is hard. My parents are my best friends and I love spending time with them, but if I’m being completely honest, I don’t have any girlfriends or anyone to hang out with while I am home during the summers.
My day goes like this:
wake up, go on a walk with my parents, eat breakfast, run errands with my mom, eat lunch with my family, run more errands or work on blogging, eat dinner with parents, go to sleep.
I am not trying to have a pity party, but I just don’t really have that many social opportunities during the days of summer. At school, while I am back at Samford, I have the best friends imaginable. They are beautiful friends with outstanding hearts and actions and words that point me to Jesus. I love my friends in Birmingham so much.
In high school, I didn’t have the best of friends. Basically I didn’t want to participate in some things and then I was pretty much left in the situation I am placed in now.
Being home brings back old and hard memories- those memories of high school when I didn’t have a friend to go get ice-cream with, where I didn’t have a friend to go see a movie with, where I didn’t have a friend to go on a walk with.
At school, I have such good friends, but at home, not so much.
I am introverted by nature. I get social anxiety (or something close to it) when I am forced to meet someone new. I close up and don’t like to talk. That’s just me. I would rather make a new friend by being introduced by a mutual friend. Sometimes making friends is hard.
Earlier this week, I had a complete breakdown where I couldn’t stop (ugly) crying and all I wanted was a friend to hang out with. Why is it so hard to find a friend at home when I have so many at school?
It’s not that I’m “not okay” with being by myself.
It is just that it’s hard when my brothers have good friends here from high school and they are always going out with them, hanging out, or going to the beach.
Honestly, if I wanted to go to the beach, I would most likely have to go by myself. If I wanted to go grab a quick lunch at Chipotle, I’d pick it up to go and eat it at home.
Sometimes the whole friend situation is hard in my life. Having a dryness in friendships where your feet are planted is really difficult to accept and it’s just hard.
I absolutely know that God wants me to take this time to grow and to get closer to Him, so that’s what I am going to focus on. Making God my #1 friend and letting Him decide the plans for my life.
I honestly thought that I was over it. Over not having friends at home. Over the bad memories from high school.
I miss those deep conversations that fill me up, those I get in Alabama. I miss the long walks with my friends, the ones in Alabama. I miss my friends who push me to Christ and challenge me to think in a different way or a different mindset.
I just really miss my friends.
Instead of dwelling in the negative and the situation that I’ve been placed in, here is how I am going to take action.
How to be Okay with Not Having a Lot of Friends
- I am going to try to spend more time with God.
- I am going to use this time as a time to grow.
- I am going to work on myself.
- I am going to PRAY a lot about this.
- I am going to take this time to spend with my family, as this is my last summer home.
Have you ever felt this way? Is making friends out of your comfort zone? How do you deal with this type of trial? I’d love to hear what you have to say!