Is it just me, or does there seem to be a war on singleness?
It seems as if those who are single are made to feel ashamed of their situation, made to feel guilty, made to feel not enough, not worthy.
Why is this?
The culture that we live in tells you that if you are single, there is something wrong with you. If you are single, you aren’t pretty enough. If you are single, it just means that you don’t put yourself out there enough. If you are single, maybe God is punishing you.
I say that these are all lies that the devil tells us.
I admit, it can be hard waiting your turn, it can be hard to see your friends date and get engaged, but that doesn’t mean any one season is better than the other. Being in a relationship isn’t any better than being single.
Both seasons of life serve different purposes.
It’s not my job to tell you why you are in the season that you’re in, but I do have faith that you’re here for a reason. You are single for a reason.
If you think about it, you have your whole life to be a relationship. You don’t necessarily have your whole life to be single.
It is also important to remember that there are blessings in both seasons. If you are in a relationship, that’s cool. If you are single, that’s cool too.
In the past, I have felt shame for being single.
From friends being in relationships, to friends getting attention from boys, from being told that I need to go out to find a man, I have been forced to feel alone and unworthy as long as I remained single.
I’ve realized that no, this is not the case and it shouldn’t even be a thought that passes. Why do we romanticize relationships and why do we think that you can only be happy if you are in a relationship?
Maybe it’s the romantic movies we watch, maybe it’s out of fear that you will be alone, maybe it’s a deeper insecurity.
For me, I used to be insecure in my singleness because I thought that I was unlovable.
I believed the devil’s lies when he told me that a relationship with a man would define me. I believed that one lifestyle was more rewarding than the other. I believed that because I was single, God was punishing me for some reason.
It took a lot of prayer and a lot of digging to come to the conclusion and understanding that being single and being in a relationship, yes, are totally different seasons of life, but not one season is better than the other.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
I believe that God places us in situations and seasons to learn and grow.
This has been my learning and growing time. Where I am right now is where I am meant to fall in love with Jesus. It is where I am called to rely on Him so that I don’t need to rely on anyone else, someone that will disappoint, as we are all imperfect humans.
In the same respect, I am not warding off being in a relationship, but I am instead relying on the Lord to lead me, to guide me, and to steer me. I am waiting and I am guarding my heart.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
In this season of my life, I have learned tremendously. I pray for my future husband, I pray for discernment, and I pray for my actions, thoughts, words, and intentions to be pure to follow the Lord.
I am finished with the war on singleness.
I’ve stopped feeling shameful, because I am filled with the Lord’s love.
“The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love.”
I’ve quit feeling lonely because He is always with me.
“I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.”
I no longer feel empty, because my cup is overflowing.
“LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.”
I don’t feel unworthy, because the Lord tells me that I am loved.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
I don’t lack confidence because the Lord is my source of confidence.
“For the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.”
I encourage you not to see this season of life as a temporary time that you’re itching to get out of, but just see it as a time to grow- a learning experience.
I encourage you to not be discouraged, but rather to be encouraged, because you have the potential to grow so deeply in Christ and this season is such a blessing!