In this time of my life, it seems like I am constantly waiting. Waiting for this semester to end, waiting for the next meal, waiting for something exciting to happen, waiting for a boyfriend, waiting on the world to change, the list goes on and on. Instead of dwelling in this waiting time, trying to patiently wait for something magical to happen, I’ve realized that I need to not take action, but to make the best out of this season I’m in. Instead of feeling sorry for myself when I don’t have exactly what I want, I’ve just decided to make the most out of where my feet are planted. I’ve decided to grow as a person. I’ve decided to grow my relationship with Christ. I know that seems cliche, we all say that our best friend is Jesus and He is our number one priority, and yeah, I’d like to say the same thing.
Truthfully, I don’t think that He is my number one priority in my life. If I have the choice between going to sleep and reading my Bible, I usually pick sleep and push off reading my Bible for the next night, when the same routine falls into place. If I have the choice between trusting God and worrying or complaining, I typically choose complaining. If I have the choice between getting pity from others on a situation I can’t change, or just accepting it, I choose the former.
In this life, there are so many temptations. Whether it be material, physical, mental, or whatever else, there is always something that Satan is trying to make us do, think or crave. I’m going to be real with y’all. Temptation is real and it’s hard. I’ve just come to this realization and the only way to push out the bad thoughts or the bad cravings is through prayer. Prayer heals everything. Prayer moves mountains. I’m sure y’all know that, but do you live it out? Do you truly believe that prayer has the grand power that it does?
I go through seasons where prayer just seems like a waiting game. Nothing is going to happen. I am wasting my time. God can’t change this situation in my life. It’s impossible. It won’t work. I can’t do it. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to change. Yeah, I can agree with you that the worldly life on earth is tempting and it can be momentarily satisfactory. In the moment, yeah, it sounds great and lovely and fulfilling, but it’s not. You don’t want to change, but something is missing from your life. All of the temptations you’ve given in to aren’t filling that void in your heart. They aren’t making you happy, so you crave more of it. You crave extremes, you want more of the bad to make you feel good. Those temptations will never make you feel good. They will never make you feel happy or satisfied. In the moment, yes, everything is great. You are getting attention. You are having fun. You are loving your life. But when you are behind closed doors, by yourself, what do you think of yourself? Are you proud of your decisions? Do you like what you see in the mirror? Are you being a good role model for someone younger than you? Do you love yourself?
There have been so many times in my life where I’ve answered no. No, I am not proud of my decisions. No, I don’t like what I see in the mirror. No, I am not being a good role model. No, I don’t love myself. So what? So what if there is a void in my heart that can’t be satisfied? That doesn’t mean I want to change. That doesn’t mean I’m going to change. Instead, I am waiting on the world to change.
I’ll agree with your thoughts you’re thinking. Change is hard. Change seems so destructive, terrible, and a waste of time. Change makes you uncomfortable. Change makes you squirm, cry, and wish for what you had before. While change is hard and it is cumbersome, change is worth it. Change is worth the uncertainty, the dark days, the molding, the shaping, the changing. Why? Change transforms you. Change makes you better. You might be scared, you probably will be scared, but just know that better days are ahead. When you take on the path of change, something happens inside of you. You have no choice but to trust. Trust in that greater power, trust in the voice inside your head, trust in the Lord. That part of you that wants to be a better person, that part of you that takes the step to change, that’s the Holy Spirit working.
I promise you that change will hurt. Change will be uncomfortable. But, I also promise you that change is worth it. When you are at rock bottom, crying because you feel so helpless, all you can do is get on your knees and cry out to God. At the lowest times of your life, the only thing that will change you is when you surrender. Give it all to Him. Let Him change you. Let Him work inside of you. Let Him make you a better person. Don’t think about what you have to give up. Think about what you’re about to gain. Think of the love you’re about to have, the happiness you’re about to radiate, the joy you’re about to be filled with. Change is good. Always remember that. Just like Jesus dying on the cross, He had to suffer to create something good and to be good. Just like Jesus, we have to suffer to reach the good.
Life is a game of being patient. What is going to happen next? What is my life going to look like in 6 days, in 6 weeks, in 6 months, in 6 years? I often think of the future. What will I look like? Where will I live? Will I be married? Will I have kids? It can be so hard to get caught up what we think is best that we don’t take advantage of the situation that we are in. For so long, I have been pitying myself because I am single. So what? I am single. I have never had a boyfriend. I have never had someone love me. Wait. Rewind. Jesus loves me. He loves me so much and that’s the only thing that’s important. I’ve realized that when I wish for a boyfriend, when I wish for a certain number on my blog, when I wish for the semester to be over, I miss the main part. I miss the present. I miss where my feet are planted, where I am right now. Instead of wishing for the future, instead of dwelling in the past, I have two choices. I can change my situation or I can be present. I’m not saying that one is better than the other. Every situation is different. Sometimes I need to change my thoughts and other times I need to be thankful for what I have. I don’t need to be thinking of the time when I am going to graduate, I need to change my outlook and be present, putting my all into where I am.
For me, this means I am going to start working on myself. I love myself, not in an egotistical way, but Jesus is not my number one priority in my life right now. When I get good news or bad news, I don’t run to Him first. First, I call my mom, then I text my roommate, then I snapchat my friend, then I post on Instagram, and then I go to Jesus. Hey Jesus, I know you are the reason for everything and I couldn’t have had this opportunity without you, but I decided to run to everyone else before you and from my actions, they are my priority…. That’s cool, right? No that’s not cool! It’s obviously not my intention, but that’s just another one of life’s temptations- running to the world before running to the Word. When I am stuck in a pickle and I can’t decide what to do, I almost always run to my friends, to the internet, to my family, to a book, but not The Book, not the Word.
Right now, I am going to focus on changing my outlook. I am going to try to make Jesus my number one priority. I want to be content in 5 years if I am still single. I want to be content if I don’t live in the South like I desire. I want to be content if I never become a full-time blogger. If I am content in only Jesus, being single won’t even be an issue! Sure, marriage and full-time blogging are some of my desires, but I have to have faith that God will provide me with the best thing for me.
In the waiting time, I am going to memorize Bible verses, volunteer at church, take some picnics, travel alone, watch the sunrise, go on road trips. I am going to do the things that are fulfilling. I don’t want to spend my life wishing away the life I am given. If I don’t change this cycle of wishing and wanting, I will never be satisfied. I am only going to be satisfied when I go the fountain and drink the Living Water.
I am going to dive into the Word, become best friends with Jesus, and build up my character for the future. I am doing this so it’s okay if my life doesn’t turn out how I envision it. No matter where I am in life, I want to be content and happy. Living in jealousy and just waiting instead of acting does not sound like fun to me.
Maybe I am doing this for the wrong intentions, but maybe I’m not. I do believe, though, that pursuing the Lord won’t leave me empty. It won’t lead me down a bad road. We are changed from the inside out, so even just a little bit of effort can do wonders.